Thursday, January 19, 2012
GOT POKED THIS WEEK ..AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY
So this week kicked off with me getting a slew of medical tests. It has been 12 years since any one looked at my dipstick or checked my oil ( that was not meant to sound ribald in any way).Kal and I drove up to the Princeton Center for Longevity in New Jersey for 8 hours of full body examination. The offices were something out of a movie..if you can imagine the visitor center at the pearly gates of heaven.The office was all white and glass and shiny happy people everywhere. All slim, youth full with blindingly white teeth . The receptionist said "Welcome Mr and Mrs Patel" before we even got through the door..how did she know who we were? Kal said ' She better know we for the amount of money they charged me for this day".
I had a colonoscopy,bone density test, full body scan, eye and hearing test, full blood panel,mammogram, gyn and cervical scrape( Dont you hate that word "scrape" when talking about your hoohah.) Cardiac ct and dye study,meeting with a dietician( so she could formally berate me for my horrific diet) and fitness evaluation( which resulted in them finding out that I dont really exercise at all). I had high hopes for today because I was sure they would tell me that I had a massive 30 lb tumor in my stomach and that is why I have put on weight and my appetite is that of an olympic swimmer because I have to feed the tumor and I would have a documentory made on me for the Discovery Channel. Alas sadly I was told I had to lose 20lb and there was no health reason that I could not do this...THERE IS NOTHING AT ALL WRONG WITH ME IN ANY WAY!!!. that was the final conclusion that the doctor came up with...all I had to do was eat healthy and exercise more. ARE YOU CRAZY MAN!! i think i need a second opinion and a bag of chips( family size) STAT!! Quick nurse she is going into cardiac arrest...she needs IV CARBS AND ICE CREAM( rocky road with gummy bears on top
) NOW!!!!!!.
So the end of the week results in me eating oatmeal made with water for breakfast, an apple and salad for lunch and grilled chicken and broccoli for dinner..no coffee. only water...and exercising for an hour...plus the only people at the gym in the daytime are the walking dead( people over 70 ) and Malcolm the cleaner...Oh how I long for the days of old equinox when we had all that food in the kitchen all the time .
I had a colonoscopy,bone density test, full body scan, eye and hearing test, full blood panel,mammogram, gyn and cervical scrape( Dont you hate that word "scrape" when talking about your hoohah.) Cardiac ct and dye study,meeting with a dietician( so she could formally berate me for my horrific diet) and fitness evaluation( which resulted in them finding out that I dont really exercise at all). I had high hopes for today because I was sure they would tell me that I had a massive 30 lb tumor in my stomach and that is why I have put on weight and my appetite is that of an olympic swimmer because I have to feed the tumor and I would have a documentory made on me for the Discovery Channel. Alas sadly I was told I had to lose 20lb and there was no health reason that I could not do this...THERE IS NOTHING AT ALL WRONG WITH ME IN ANY WAY!!!. that was the final conclusion that the doctor came up with...all I had to do was eat healthy and exercise more. ARE YOU CRAZY MAN!! i think i need a second opinion and a bag of chips( family size) STAT!! Quick nurse she is going into cardiac arrest...she needs IV CARBS AND ICE CREAM( rocky road with gummy bears on top
) NOW!!!!!!.
So the end of the week results in me eating oatmeal made with water for breakfast, an apple and salad for lunch and grilled chicken and broccoli for dinner..no coffee. only water...and exercising for an hour...plus the only people at the gym in the daytime are the walking dead( people over 70 ) and Malcolm the cleaner...Oh how I long for the days of old equinox when we had all that food in the kitchen all the time .
# posted by A New Life @ Thursday, January 19, 2012 
